ほっし校長 [Time of resurrection] Promise with Dr. Chiaki [Miracle that I continued to live with childhood cancer] 1️⃣
Dr. Chiaki, my doctor and surgeon who developed childhood cancer, notified me of cancer.
It was a summer day when I was only 10 years old and 4 months old.
The announcement was a gentle and very loving announcement.
I was shocked when I was notified of the cancer, but I felt very relieved.
Twice
I felt the kindness of the teacher in the slow and polite explanation.
Chiaki-sensei explained that he would be cured, and I was able to get hope.
However, after I became a cancer patient and was notified of cancer, I began to notice that my emotions became very unstable and my mood was rising and falling.
I was also aware that I was losing control of that mood.
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I will have surgery tomorrow.
The doctor in charge will be the director himself.
It was an unprecedented operation.
Make an incision in the affected area and close it if there is no way to do it.
If the affected area can be treated, excise it,
There is a high possibility that the right leg will be amputated.
There is a possibility of cancer metastasis, and tomorrow is the time when my fate will be decided.
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Now that 40 years have passed since then, I remembered the day before the surgery.
surely,
I may not be able to bear it now as an adult
surely,
It was painful, pathetic, regrettable, and I would have hated myself.
but,
At that time, I was able to overcome
And still alive
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at that time,
I was in a situation where I could never escape
It’s just like being trapped in a small box
Moreover, it was a box that could not be unlocked.
Nevertheless
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Even more painful continued
“Even if I lose my legs, I hope my life will be saved.” “Think so.”
The words easily broke my heart for surgery.
I was disappointed.
I was trapped in a very small box
It’s the same as when you can’t move at all.
Feeling stuffy as if my heart was restrained
I desperately resisted the words.
My voice that is jammed and completely unvoiced
I was struggling to get it out desperately.
I’m still
“I want to keep my feet and my life.”
“I can’t give up either”
Did the cry of my heart reach someone?
After a while, the strength of my strong shoulders eased,
Curiously, there was no emptiness, and a slightly refreshing breeze passed around me.
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After developing childhood cancer
The moment you are alone in the house
I came to think about the afterlife alone.
As mentioned in the book “The Power to Survive”,
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生き抜く力【ガンと闘う10歳の僕に起きた奇跡】｜ほっし校長｜note
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While watching the evening TV anime, my consciousness is
He was facing the direction of the posthumous world.
For me, who is only 10 years old on the day
“Death” was the scariest thing in the world.
Not settings or fantasies in books or TV
In the real world, it’s a fact that hangs on itself.
That thing
It was an extremely heavy and stuffy reality.
No matter what you do
Never escape.
That’s the fact that happened in my body.
After all, I couldn’t take this reality as a reality.
Long before I knew the word “escapism”
I experienced escapism.
He must have been so scared of “death.”
The upset of my own heart at that time
It must have been in an abnormal state.
I was so upset that I couldn’t calmly judge my condition.
I was scared.
Among the people living in this world now
Those who have experienced “death” most recently
Probably not.
Therefore, everyone is afraid of “death”.
and,
Maybe you want to know about the “world after death”.
and,
At that time, I also wanted to know the “world after death”
I came to think of it and was very conscious of it.
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“Maybe if this illness doesn’t go away, I’ll die.
What kind of post-mortem world would I go to if I died?
What is the world after death? ”
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Such thoughts always circulated in my head, and when I had free time, it seemed to rotate.
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What I wanted for an intractable disease patient
At the age of 10, I developed a rare cancer (osteosarcoma), which is an intractable disease.
What I wanted the most.
It wasn’t a silver bullet, it was.
As a third grader, I was a little more shy than the children around me.
Because of his shy personality, he was not good at communicating his thoughts and opinions to the other party.
One day I suddenly became a patient with an intractable disease,
Create a wall with the people around you,
I closed my heart.
I was thinking at that time.
That is “loneliness”.
“I’m alone in this world.”
I even forget that I had an incurable disease
My heart was filled with a feeling of loneliness.
When I became lonely, I couldn’t hear the voices around me.
At the same time, I no longer feel anxious about the future.
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I have no future.
I can no longer live in the future.
I can’t live the same life as everyone else.
I’m sure life is like that.
A life that ends in no time.
I’m exactly that
To experience a “life that ends in a blink of an eye”
I think he was born.
From a different point of view, I realized my life at this moment.
It ’s still strange,
When you feel that kind of feeling about life,
I remember it as if I had a little courage.
It’s like being wrapped in something, like being protected.
However,…
But I’m full of tears that never stop
I was shedding.
After all, I’m lonely.
Someone please help me.
Anyone is fine
Please help me
My heart was filled with complex emotions one after another, like a rippling sea.
And when I noticed, I was asleep.
When I woke up, another feeling was born in me.
that is…
Continue
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🔷 Self-introduction 🔷
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Physical and mental pain caused by cancer
I was once asked which one was harder.
I would like to share my thoughts as a cancer survivor.
Of past articles
“Physical and mental pain caused by cancer”
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About, when I developed cancer (osteosarcoma)
I think it’s because I was still a 10 year old kid,
“Pain in my heart” was definitely more painful for me.
Physically, the lower abdomen is very swollen and the abdomen is swollen.
The belt of my pants didn’t close and
I had a fever and felt some pain in the joints of my legs and abdomen.
But at that time I was only 10 years old
I think it was more painful for me to be shocked by the “important thing” that happened to me.
All children with cancer
I don’t think it’s the same, but the big illness that happened when I was a child with little life experience was in my child’s heart.
And there is no doubt that it will do a lot of damage to a small body.
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Although advances in modern medicine have created medicines to relieve physical pain,
“Mental pain” cannot be easily resolved with medicine.
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Furthermore, in the case of children, there is little life experience and little knowledge to enable understanding of incoming information, so it is a major factor that there is no way to eliminate this “heart pain” by oneself. Then, I think that the childhood cancer patient is in pain.
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🔷 What you can do for your child with childhood cancer 🔷
[What you can do for your child who has childhood cancer]
Parents of children with childhood cancer may think about this first.
My parents were no exception.
At times like this, parents feel their powerlessness
People are not strong enough to realize that it is a learning of life for their parents
Parents also go along with their child’s feelings and sink into the darkness in their hearts together, making it impossible to crawl up.
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[Reliably recognize the powerlessness and weakness of people]
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Learning of life
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The disease called cancer is a learning of life
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When I was 10 years old (3rd grade), I had cancer.
If you are 10 years old, you can slowly understand what kind of situation you are in.
But for younger children, it can be difficult to explain and understand.
There are some things to be aware of for such small children.
That is, even a small child knows what kind of situation he / she is from the complexion, speaking style, gestures, etc. of the adults around him.
If you decide not to tell (not tell) your child about your illness, you should be especially careful about your frivolous behavior.
Even if you do not understand the conversation of an adult, you may feel a bad situation from the way the adult speaks and facial expressions.
I became a cancer survivor when I was 10 years old, but the adults around me did it for me,
The very important and difficult thing was “notifying me of cancer”.
It’s very courageous.
because,
It is for my child
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Learning of life
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Because I have to teach.
example,
Even if the parents did not fully understand the [learning of life]
You have to think, imagine, and teach life learning in an easy-to-understand manner.
Thank you for reading to the end.
The text of my recollections at that time is especially difficult.
This article expresses the strong feelings and contents that inspired me to start this blog, so
It is packed with what I want to tell you.
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